You know I’m just a bike rider. You know I don’t race. You know I like my bikes heavy, with big cushy tires. You know that if there’s a Girl Scout behind me when I’m on my way to work, it means one thing, namely that I’m about to get dropped by a Girl Scout.

Nevertheless, I think it’s time I bought a jersey, perhaps in XL for “eXtra Luxury”. And I think it’s about time you bought one too. Sure, you could do it because it’ll support some really wonderful folks that could use the help right now, or because the company that’s making them is the kind of company that restores your faith in the goodness of humanity. You could get one because you’re a serious racer, and when the competition sees “WIN” in all-caps on your sleeve, the competition will whither and crumble. You could get one of these jerseys because you will look even haw-haw-hawter in one than you already look when you’re firing yourself down the road like a sexy two-wheeled missile carrying a warhead filled with 50 megatons of Sassy. You could do it for any or all of those reasons, and that’d be swell.

I’m doing it for one reason, and one reason only. I’m doing it because these jerseys will make me faster, and I’m tired of getting dropped by a Girl Scout with a messenger bag full of Thin Mints.

Everything I know about mountain bike racing would fit in the unused neurons of a common garden slug, but there are some folks I enjoy reading that know lots about it.

FatCyclist is posting his race report (a bit at a time) of the epic Leadville 100 Mountain Bike Race in Colorado, which he did on a freakin’ single-speed. Much like the Great Divide Race article I posted on earlier, it’s inspiring and it’s making me hungry for trails.

Linked from there was this short video documentary of 7-time Tour De France winner Lance Armstrong and 5-time Leadville 100 winner Dave Wiens pushing each other way out in front of everyone else. Great photography, commentary, and soundtrack, plus Lance Armstrong admitting at the end that he told Dave Wiens to go on without him when he ran out of gas. Ever think you’d hear Mr. Armstrong saying, “I can’t do it.” and mean it? Crazy-ass superhumans, they are, both of ‘em.

My friend Carl and I used to ride from up to Ojai from the beach in Ventura, and then up into Matilija Canyon along the creek. He still rides that GT Avalanche, I haven’t seen my beautiful old Trek 970 in probably 14 years. But I can remember vividly, like it was last week, climbing those trails, flying down the fire roads, rear end drifting precisely around the turns, hopping from one tractor rut to the other at high speed, coming around a turn into a meadow and resting on a boulder next to the burblin’ brook.

Good times, maybe something I’ll get to enjoy again, but clearly nothin’ like the mayhem they were stirring up in Leadville. Check out Fatty’s race report and then watch a couple freakish superhumans go at it in the Colorado Mountains.

Here he comes, here comes Bob Novak
He is Satan on wheels!

Syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak was cited by police after he hit a pedestrian with his black Corvette in downtown Washington, D.C., on Wednesday morning.

He is Satan and he’s gonna be
Runnin’ over someone!

The pedestrian, a 66-year-old man who was not further identified by authorities, was treated at George Washington University Hospital for minor injuries, according to D.C. Fire and EMS.

He’s disappointed that he hasn’t killed you yet
He’s busy revvin’ up his powerful CORVETTE!

“I didn’t know I hit him. … I feel terrible,” a shaken Novak told reporters from Politico and WJLA as he was returning to his car. “He’s not dead, that’s the main thing.”

And when the odds are against him and there’s
Righteous cyclists…

Bono said that the pedestrian, who was crossing the street on a “Walk” signal and was in the crosswalk, rolled off the windshield and that Novak then made a right into the service lane of K Street. “This car is speeding away. What’s going through my mind is, you just can’t hit a pedestrian and drive away,” Bono said.

He said he chased Novak half a block down K Street, finally caught up with him and then put his bike in front of the car to block it and called 911. Traffic immediately backed up, horns blaring, until commuters behind Novak backed up so he could pull over.

Bono said that throughout, Novak “keeps trying to get away. He keeps trying to go.”

You bet your life Bob Novak
Won’t go to jail

I saw on television earlier this morning that for breaking traffic laws and seriously injuring a man through conduct that could easily have killed him, Novak is going to get . . . a $50 fine.

Go Bob Novak!
Go Bob Novak!
Go Bob Novak GOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Via UrbanVelo, some excellent footage of last year’s Rumble In The Bronx IV (this year’s happens this weekend). This ain’t my bag, I usually stop at stop signs and red lights, but it looks like a whole helluvalotta fun. Also, dig the evolution tattoo, that guy’s the intermediate stage between humans and… pure energy.

Rumble 4 from Michael Green on Vimeo.

This is my bicycle! There are many like it! But this one is mine! My bicycle is my best friend! It is my life! Without my bicycle, I am useless! Without me, my bicycle is useless!

Fuckin’ A.