You’ve got a big decision to make tomorrow, citizen.

There’s a lot to think about as we approach this historic election. There’s more than one dire problem to solve, more than a few turds hurtling towards the blades of a big, angry fan, more to be resolved with higher stakes than ever before.

We’re mired in geopolitical conflict, and the way home is difficult to find, harder to navigate. We’re hooked on an energy source that’s dirty, expensive, and often comes at the cost of supporting some nefarious organizations. Our economy is shaky, fragile, and everyone’s looking over their shoulder for the axe to fall. Health care is skyrocketing, and getting sick often means bankruptcy. Bridges are falling into rivers, cities are falling apart, our manufacturing base is much diminished, and the guy you’re trying to order that Bacon Cheeseburger from doesn’t seem to speak much English.

What will be in store for America as we enter the next chapter in our history? Which candidate is better equipped to handle these challenges? What’re we gonna do?!

I know that when I ponder issues of these magnitudes, I try to imagine how the best of our presidents would tackle them. I contemplate Washington’s moral rectitude, Jefferson’s master statesmanship, Teddy’s cunning diplomacy, FDR’s inspiring leadership. Ultimately, the path of my meditation will lead to Lincoln, whose counsel is always the same.

You’ve got a big decision to make tomorrow, Superstar.

For an analysis of what all this campaign suspendering and town halling means, we turn to The Most Trusted Name in Gleeful Apocalyptic Commentary. Take it away, youse Who Is IOZ…

Imagine if you are Vladimir Putin. You do not drink or smoke, and aside from occasionally fucking your gymnast nymphette into catatonic submission while a 10,000 piece orchestra plays Gimn Sovetskogo Soyuza outside your window, you do not carouse. Your life is occupied with grim, atavistic fantasies, which are just now coming to fruition, and as you nurse your bloody dreams in the Siberian expanses of your glittering, Satanic soul, you flip on the teevee and see the only force on earth with any capacity to foil or retard your ambitions rapidly consuming itself in an orgy of abject ridiculousness, a Marx-brothers comedy of political ineptitude so baroque in its Vaudevillian slapstick that it melts, for just one moment, the crimson popsicle that is your KGB heart and from your mouth, for the first time since you traded your soul for life eternal and a thirst for blood one thousand years ago, you let out one brief, delicious: Ha!

When Senator John McCain selected Sarah Palin as his running mate, Cindy McCain’s first thought was… well, no one’s sure what the whole first thought was, but it ended with, “…and if he thinks he’s going on the campaign trail alone with that little hussy…” Cindy knows how he do.

But millions of people, myself included, had another thought: “Huh? WTF? Who?” And that’s fair, because many Americans can’t name the governor of their own state, so knowing who rules Alaska at any given time is a stretch. But we’re learning more and more with each passing day, as the press gets around to the vetting McCain’s campaign was too busy to undertake. I thought that I’d be a good citizen, and a good neighbor, by providing you, gentle reader, with an introduction to the Moosinating Hockey Mom (and soon to be Gramma!) from far, far away.

You’re welcome!

(h/t John Cole)

A year ago, I was a committed Democrat. Today, though there’s still no question about whether and for whom I’ll vote, I don’t think there’s a partisan argument from either side that I find very persuasive. I thought I was going to be more jubilant at this point, with a truly inspiring, once-a-generation Democratic nominee facing off with the most entertaining implosion of a campaign the GOP’s run in my lifetime. There was supposed to be pitchers of Schadenfreude, filled at a giant, bubbling, multi-tier Schadenfreude fountain and served into chilled Schadendreude steins by a busty blonde St. Schadenfreude waitress. But I’m just not feeling it.

So I thought I’d share some of the thoughts that are getting my attention these days, but I’ll put them beyond the jump for those that would rather not do that to their beautiful minds. Respect.

(more…)

So that’s what it’s like to be part of a money bomb. Neat. I wasn’t a Paul supporter so I didn’t get to join in the fun before.

So there’s a money bomb type thing happening today at the AccountabilityNow PAC, which is dedicated to challenging elected officials who don’t think that defending the Constitution is important. Specifically, it’s a collaborative effort between some of the Ron Paul folks and a some liberal die-hard civil rights blogger activists to stand up to the shitbags that pushed the FISA compromise, letting the telecoms get away with violating America’s civil rights, and giving the Bush administration a big thumbs up for violating the 4th Amendment. Bipartisan and opposed to the surveillance state? I’m good with that, so I threw ‘em a few bucks. Feel free to chip in if this kinda thing’s important to you.

But maybe it’s not, and you’re becoming more and more anxious as election season progresses, fearing that you’ll end up in a discussion with someone passionate about some candidate, party, or issue that you just couldn’t give less of a rat’s ass about. The good folks at Today Now! addressed this very topic a few mornings ago, I figure it’s only neighborly of me to post the segment.

Ya know what? I don’t think that getting in a fighter plane and getting shot down in and of itself qualifies anyone to be president either. I’m of the opinion that one’s shoddy service in the Air National Guard, barely limping through one’s tour, possibly going AWOL, drinking and snorting your way through to the end while your cohort fights and dies halfway around the world is a far superior benchmark of judgment and true grit. Haven’t we learned anything from the last 7 years?

Also, a little note to the media: up yours. Take your collective faces out of McCain’s taint long enough to do your fucking jobs. With a press corp like this, it’s amazing that we’re not already irrigating our fields with Gatorade.

[Update]: An astute commenter takes Joe Klein to task for his tut-tutting at Time’s Swampland, and notes:

Republican Congressman Duke Cunningham was a vastly superior fighter pilot in Vietnam than John McCain becoming the first Ace of the war.

Where is Duke Cunningham right now? Sitting in prison for taking bribes as a congressman.

George H. W. Bush was trained as a pilot, was shot down and then had a largely ineffective presidency.

George W. Bush was trained as a jet fighter pilot and he’s the consensus choice for the most incompetent president in American history.

Seems to me that being a fighter pilot ain’t such a great thing to put on your resume these days, eh? Perhaps some intrepid reporter will note these facts. Yeah, no I don’t think so either.

[Update Again]: Wes Clark isn’t going to back off, renounce, denounce, or reject a got-damn thing. Broadcast punditude, go ahead and invite him on your show to talk about it, but don’t be surprised if you get more than you bargained for. He’s whip smart, he’s got some service experience of his own, and he ain’t rollin’ over. Democratic leadership, please take notes as this unfolds, this is how it’s done. Take special note of the exceptional display of conviction, confidence, and spine.

[Update Yet Again]: In case there’s any confusion about what it means to attack someone’s service record:

• Wes Clark stated that McCain’s service was exemplary, and stated unequivocally that McCain was a hero. He then stated that McCain’s military experience, in particular flying an aircraft and being shot down, does not necessarily qualify him to handle presidential foreign policy decisions. Got that so far?
• Here’s McCain surrogate, on the other hand, saying on a conference call with the press:
  

  …we all know that General Clark, as high-ranking as he is, his record in his last command I think was somewhat less than stellar.

That’s what it looks like when someone attacks and demeans someone else’s service record.

So, to review: Wes Clark’s comments bring up a point of discussion, about what actually qualifies someone to be president, and argues that even exemplary, heroic military service by itself doesn’t cover all the bases. McCain’s surrogate trashing General Clark’s service as Supreme Allied Commander of NATO is just flinging shit at a political opponent.

What in the hell do people actually do at journalism school?

Want a better name for it? How about, Holiday from Reason and Good Sense, That Promises To Have Absolutely No Beneficial Effects For Anyone? Or, better still, The American Voter Is a Fucking Chump? Because that’s what this idiotic proposal really says: you think that we’re chumps.

So, candidates, if you want to prove to me that you’re:

• incapable of distinguishing good policy from bad
• incapable of supporting good policy by taking a stand and explaining to America why a bad policy is bad
• capable of pushing really, really stupid policy in pursuit of a demagogue-alicious tactical advantage over your opponents
• think that I and my fellow Americans are idiots that will respond positively to this sort of bullshit

Then just keep this stupid shit up.

We’ve had almost 8 years of putting food on our families and making the pie higher. A top priority for me in selecting the next president is whether or not he or she can make some serious traction reducing the myriad mountains of residual stupid we’re going to inherit from the Bush administration. The thought that he or she is going to put whipped cream and cherries on top of them is fucking infuriating.

Cut it out.

Update: Well stated, by hilzoy:

Clinton is presently making a big deal about the fact that she is “a fighter”. After this primary season, I don’t think there can be any doubt about her willingness to fight. What Clinton’s gas tax proposal tells me is what she’s willing to fight for. She is not willing to fight for what she thinks is right in the face of public pressure. She’s not even willing to restrict her compromises to cases in which public pressure to do something stupid already exists. She will sacrifice principle and the public good when it’s expedient for her to do so.

Update 2: I’d thought that the Gas Tax Hollandaise was about as stupid as pandering, half-assed populist proposals were going to get this season. How wrong I was (h/t John Cole).

“We’re going to go after OPEC which remember is a monopoly cartel,” Clinton said. “There’s nothing free-market about it. They sit in some conference room a couple of times a year and decide how much oil they are going to produce and how much they are going to charge for it. So lets change our laws so we can sue them on anti-trust reasons.”

We’re going to break up OPEC’s cartel, comprised of sovereign nations. We’re going to use U.S. federal antitrust laws to do it. By suing them. Somewhere.

Looks like someone’s trying to lock up the “Idiot Voter” block. The next pander should be aimed squarely at the block of folks who vote for candidates based on weather-related phenomena.