I’m mostly staying out of politics. But this isn’t politics, really. This is just fucking insane. What the hell is in the water down there, anyway?

Via MinusCar, a group of Iowans have started an online petition, seeking to put a measure on the ballot to make bicycling on farm-to-market roads illegal. Because, you know, when you’re driving along on a back country road in your minivan, just trying to send a text message to your husband or pastor, and you accidentally kill a cyclist, it really makes you feel bad. And not just for a little while! Sometimes you feel really, really bad about killing someone with your car for a long time! Plus, just like hitting a deer, it can cost a lot of money to fix the car.

A commenter notes that there is now a counter-petition to have motor vehicles removed from Iowa’s rural roads:

Over the past ten years the number of motorists using these farm-to-market roads has increased dramatically, as have the number of preventable accidents and fatalities.

Traditional rural methods of commerce are significantly impacted when forced to share the farm-to-market roadways with motorists. Because of the growth of today’s commerce and agricultural business, shared roadways are no longer safe or practical in today’s society.

Operators of automobiles routinely disobey speed limits, spook horses and raise clouds of dust. They zip about, and act as though they own the public road itself!

So please if you are a resident of the world join us and help make our roadways safe for both people and livestock. Thanks for your time and your support.

My favorite comment so far:

These 4 wheeled horseless carriges have gone too far, besides creating useless wars for rubber, oil, steel they create a place for youths to experiment with sex and liquor! Time to ban them from all our roads!

Sex and liquor? Really? Hm. Maybe I should drive a car more often.

I know that saying this may result in some gnashed teeth and rent garments, but I’m going to state, unequivocally, that I think this is going too far. I’m reasonably certain that Iowa’s rural roads can accomodate bicycles, tractors, buckboards, and motor vehicles, and that people can share the road safely and responsibly.

Maybe the folks on opposite sides of this debate need to get together, and experiment with sex and liquor (maybe even in a car, so long as they’re not driving on a rural road at the time). I mean, it couldn’t hurt?

Wow. I’m not sure where the exact line between “far enough” and “too far” is, but I can say with absolute certainty that this guy crossed it by a lot. I mean, what happened to leaving a nasty note, scratching the paint, or breaking a window? Does it gotta go straight to “I’m settin’ your shit on fire”?

(h/t to Cycleiciousness)

Boy, if I knew who the owner of the car with Maryland license plate number “9CW K23″ was, I’d like to ask him if he went through both of those red lights at Michigan and Monroe, right next to Catholic Univeristy, because he was talking on his phone and just didn’t notice, or because they just weren’t red enough for him.

If you know him, perhaps you can ask him.

Nice, asshole.

Clearly, America knows who to trust.

Pitchforks are on the left, torches on the right. But try to wait until after dusk, the glow is much more dramatic.

Seriously, ’bout how much longer before the interests of the other 99.9% of us are represented? Now? No? How ’bout… now? Not yet?

In 2002, it’s estimated that cellphone use while driving may have caused a thousand deaths, and maybe as many as 240,000 accidents. Nearly a quarter million accidents. But you never heard about it, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration decided to withhold data and research about the dangers of cellphone use while driving, because they thought it might anger Congress. God damn it.

In the 7 years since 2002, when that data could have led to stronger legislation protecting us from cellphoning drivers, my anecdotal observations suggest that that the number of folks talking and texting behind the wheel has gone nothing but up. If all those people replaced their phones with fucking martinis, I don’t think they’d be as dangerous. In fact, if we’re not going to risk inconveniencing voters who enjoy talking and texting while driving, or upsetting the cellphone industry, then we ought to take the boot off the neck of the alcohol industry and let people buzz on up before (and during!) the long drive to the mall. I mean, if it’s going to be a Deathrace, then I’m gonna need a drink.

And I’ll say this to you multi-tasking motorists I share our nation’s Capital with: I’m not crazy about your reckless, thoughtless habit of talking on the phone while you should be piloting your car, but if it’s a choice between that and having you attempt to type out a message on a numeric keypad while you blast through my neighborhood at 40 mph, please just call whoever it is you absolutely have to talk to right this very minute.