My wife never bought into what I thought was a clever nickname for our big bike. Karate Donkey seemed like a natural winner to me, given its cross pedigree as a Surly Karate Monkey and an Xtracycle beast of burden. And Ruby’s a big Shrek fan, so it gave me the opportunity to do a little, “Donkehhhh? DONKEH!” for her. Good match, eh?

But it gets better. A couple friends, D&M from NYC, came down to visit, and I introduced D, via the internet, to the sublime Soma “Morning Rush” Bicycle Coffee Holder. There’s two reasons I love this guy:

• He agreed that I absolutely need a Morning Rush coffee holder and mug. Maybe two.
• He caught a connection between the bike and the commuter mug, and introduced me, via the internet, to Highteen Boogie.

So who’s Highteen Boogie? Why, they’re a power punk trio of Japanese women, out of New York. And what’ve they got to do with the Karate Donkey, and the Morning Rush?

I’m glad you asked.

Coffee Donkey! Coffee Donkey!

But the esteemed Mrs. Higgins is still not budging, and she’s also let it be known in no uncertain terms that I do not have the go-ahead to order my new favorite commuter mug. Or two of them. So, what would you name a black Karate Monkey, with Big Apples, and a black double kid’s seat. Oh, and there’s Pearl sparkle vinyl involved, that’s coming soon. Any ideas?

Better still, know any irrefutable arguments as to why I can’t live without the coffee cup and holder?

I hope that one day, once the smoke has cleared and the ruckus has died down, that Senator Clinton looks back on this comment, and realizes how incredibly inappropriate the analogy was. I had so much respect for both Clintons not so long ago…

First off, just got word from a friend that design and construction of the Metropolitan Branch Trail is back on! Though this news may not shake the foundations of D.C., it’s a big fat deal in our neck of the woods:

Note: This map was taken and adapted from WashingtonsBestAddress.com. Kinda says it all about how D.C. feels about Brookland and company, doesn’t it?

The current commute options involve routes with shoulderless stretches on major arterials that people around here mistake for freeways. Once you’ve made your way to the south or west of the big, blank NE section you see on the map, things improve dramatically. But our part of D.C. is, if not quite cut off, surrounded by routes that increase the pucker factor when riding with the kids.

So having a North/South connection to bike-friendlier routes will be delightful. They’re also going to connect the Metropolitan Branch Trail with the Northwest Branch Trail in West Hyattsville, as well as connecting it to the Capitol Crescent Trail up in Silver Springs (and that’s gonna be a real nice loop, by gawd). Great news!

And then there’s this: my wife said something really, really sweet to me last night.

She prefaced by mentioning how for her whole life, she’s always liked beater bikes, and never cared much about performance or tune. And how, when it comes to tools and things I use frequently, the reasons I research and obsess and will spend more for one over another have always eluded her (but she knows that about me and loves me anyway).

But she’s been riding my Long Haul Trucker quite a bit lately, and she told me last night that it is the nicest bike she’s ever ridden. She mentioned that, at first, it felt kinda twitchy to her, and she didn’t like the position. But since then, she’s really gotten to like it, and she’s never ridden a bike that felt that good.

Needless to say, I’m still turned on. “By your Girly or your Surly?” you quip cleverly. I can only reply, “Yes.”

Via UrbanVelo, some excellent footage of last year’s Rumble In The Bronx IV (this year’s happens this weekend). This ain’t my bag, I usually stop at stop signs and red lights, but it looks like a whole helluvalotta fun. Also, dig the evolution tattoo, that guy’s the intermediate stage between humans and… pure energy.

Rumble 4 from Michael Green on Vimeo.

This is my bicycle! There are many like it! But this one is mine! My bicycle is my best friend! It is my life! Without my bicycle, I am useless! Without me, my bicycle is useless!

Fuckin’ A.

Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC) and Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) to their Democratic opponents: “We’re a little short on cash this cycle, so howsabout you agree to campaign barefoot, wearing a blindfold, with one arm tied behind your back? We’d sure appreciate it.”

I can’t be certain what the response will be, but I suspect something along the lines of, “We’ve given your proposals careful consideration, and have concluded that you can reap the whirlwind, fuckers. Reap it.”

Paul Krugman talks about what a Future That Doesn’t Suck might look like, and he thinks it might look like Europe, where gas is about $8/gallon (emphasis mine):

Any serious reduction in American driving will require more than this — it will mean changing how and where many of us live.

To see what I’m talking about, consider where I am at the moment: in a pleasant, middle-class neighborhood consisting mainly of four- or five-story apartment buildings, with easy access to public transit and plenty of local shopping.

It’s the kind of neighborhood in which people don’t have to drive a lot, but it’s also a kind of neighborhood that barely exists in America, even in big metropolitan areas. Greater Atlanta has roughly the same population as Greater Berlin — but Berlin is a city of trains, buses and bikes, while Atlanta is a city of cars, cars and cars.

And in the face of rising oil prices, which have left many Americans stranded in suburbia — utterly dependent on their cars, yet having a hard time affording gas — it’s starting to look as if Berlin had the better idea.

It’s starting to look as if Berlin had the better idea?

An objection that comes up frequently in any discussion of changing our way of getting around is that people will never give up their cars, that they’d rather drive alone than ride a bike, take the bus, or take a train to work.

Now I understand that many people making this claim haven’t had the experience of living somewhere with a functioning, useful public transit system. But I also know that folks from urban sprawl centers do have the experience of trying to get from point A to point B in a city like Los Angeles or Atlanta, and know how jaw-grindingly, wheel-poundingly aggravating it is to do 3 miles per hour on a freeway filled with single-occupant automobiles. They have to have experienced the hostility and stupidity of inching and crawling through gridlocked surface streets, and I know I’m not the only one who has looked upon the thick, brown layer of smog that periodically hovers over such a city and thought, “I can’t believe I raise children in this air”.

And it always puzzles me as to why anyone would choose that over… well, over anything else that isn’t that? I always thought people did this because there wasn’t a better alternative, not because it was the most desirable option. Does having one’s own HVAC and stereo system really make up for everything else? Is it just a failure of imagination that people can’t envision their city with functioning pedestrian, bicycle, and public transit infrastructures? Is it a failure on the part of those of us who can see that future to compete with Madison Avenue’s car-culture message?

Via UrbanVelo, One Got Fat, a 1963 bicycle safety film, featuring 9 kids, wearing monkey masks and tails, 8 of whom meet grisly ends to goofy music. Great bikes, great clothes, outstanding acting. The plot… the subtext… it’s truly excellent. Think you can recognize the voice of the narrator?

It’s Edward Everett Horton, a distinguished performer in radio, television, and movies over 5 decades, and who was the narrator for the Fractured Fairy Tales segment of Rocky and Bullwinkle. (That’s the one that made the light bulb appear over my head.)

And that’ll do it for this week. My shoulder is killing me, how about a little Morphine to…

Um… okay I don’t know what that is. Something’s wrong with the teleprompter… I can’t read it there’s no words on it. There’s no words there. What’s that mean, “to play us out”? To end the week? Whatever. Okay. Let’s do it again, alright go, go!

And that’ll do it for this week. My chowder is killing me, so I…

Shit. Again in 5… 4… 3…

And that’ll do it for this week. Shaolin shucking clydesdale supper… I can’t do it. We’ll do it live.

WE’LL DO IT LIVE! FUCKIT! DO IT LIVE! FUCKIN’ BLOG SUCKS!!!

Here’s Morphine. Have a good weekend.