If this isn’t the stupidest bike lane in America, it’s at least a top contender. (via TCTW)

Found this whilst out stumbling around the World Wide Innerweb. Please enjoy this, a moment with Carson and Gleason.

Issues I care about heading into this year’s elections*

• Protecting the Constitution, and making sure that those we entrust with power and authority to take care of our business don’t have the inclination or opportunity to abuse that trust.
• Iraq. Iraq. Iraq. Over 4300 American troops killed, tens of thousands profoundly wounded, hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians killed. A billion and a half dollars a day. Another 6 months? A year? Ten? A hundred? Another 4300 deaths? 43,000? Another trillion dollars? More? Hey, is anyone keeping an eye on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border region?
• The horrible reality that we’ve crossed a bright line, and we’re now a country that disappears people and tortures them to death. We have to do more than just bringing that to an end, we have to atone.
• The scarcity of the planet’s remaining resources, the continuing overabundance of humans, and how we (both as a nation and as a species) will feed, clothe, transport and employ ourselves after cheap, easy oil.
• The possibility that our children, and perhaps our grandchildren, will be endlessly fighting wars in countries all over the world over those scarce resources.
• The fact that our Government is still, more than two years later, unable to do a fucking thing to adequately help new Orleans, a major American city, rebuild after being devastated by a hurricane.
• The possibility that the Middle Class American Dream of a decent home in a decent city with decent schools may become unattainable for most of us.
• The frightening possibility of someone in my family having a serious medical problem, either that it would ruin us, or (more terrifying) that we may be refused treatment.
• A host of other issues relating to my family’s welfare, our nation’s viability as a free and democratic republic, and to our survival as a species.

Issues political journalists and pundits care about**

• Low bowling scores.
• Orange juice instead of coffee.
• The controversial use of the words “frustrated” and “bitter” to describe people’s… frustration and bitterness.
• Troubling displays of “elitism” and “condescension” towards “real Americans” (whatever those terms mean to television media stars with multi-million dollar salaries who live in New York, D.C., and Los Angeles).
• Any celebrity gossip or vicious rumor that gets Drudge’s red light flashing.
• What others in the Consultant Class of the D.C. Establishment thinks about the above points, and what they think about what other consultants and pundits think about them.

Of course, both lists are incomplete. But each is a fair representation. And I think that my list, though incomplete, pretty well illustrates what I believe is at stake in this election (and likely for every election to follow in my lifetime). And notice, curiously, all the things in the first section mean as much to the Pundit Class as the things in the second section mean to me. So, what do I think of Political Journalism in America?

I think that it would be a very, very good idea.

* I’m know I’m not alone in prioritizing these issues, many many folks do. But I don’t presume to speak for the American electorate.

** These absurd, presumptuous assholes, however, are under the illusion that they’re qualified to speak for the American electorate (or Real America™ as they refer to it).

Personally, I preferred American Spirit Reds, but I wasn’t a track racer. They smoke Camels.

Waiter, lemme have another order of them chicken fried bacon strips, a cup of coffee, and an ash tray.

How come my shit is stuff, but your stuff is shit? (via Smudgemo)

I never did a San Francisco Critical Mass when I lived there in the early Aughts. Partly because I subscribe to the Groucho Marx School of never wanting to join any organization that would have me as a member. Or, in that particular case, any leaderless movement that would do nothing to stop me from participating. Or something like that. But mostly it was that every story I’d heard about it involved some kind of angry confrontation, and I just wasn’t into sowing the wind at that point in my life.

When I moved to New York, my wife (who at the time was my girlfriend) tried to get me to do a Mass there. I resisted at first, and then one month found it convenient to check it out, and it was a blast. The weather was chilly and clear, and 800-1200 cyclists were in a genial mood. Riders extended greetings and good will to the curious and bewildered crowds wherever we rode. The NYPD’s position was friendly and tolerant, and they even helped with intersections and kept things moving. New York motorists by and large seemed to tolerate having a massive leaderless bike parade delay them once a month with a fair amount of equanimity. The city’s willingness to support events like Critical Mass (and my personal favorite, the Idiotarod) gave New York a rich delightful cultural texture.

That was before the RNC convention. Rebbie and I had already moved to the West Coast and didn’t get to participate. I’m glad we didn’t. The war between New York’s Critical Mass and Bloomberg started there, got unconstitutionally ugly, and seems not to have let up since. Now, I think Bloomberg’s a better Mayor, and better human being, than Guilliani by a lot, but that’s not a high bar to clear. I think he really screwed the pooch in how he handled relations with the New York cycling community. Perhaps having 5000 angry protesting cyclists taking the streets, as an opening salvo in what was a week of angry confrontation all over the city, made a cooperative solution impossible. I don’t know.

After New York, there was Los Angeles. Los Angeles, in my mind, is simply the time of very little biking and unmitigated stupidity and hostility behind the wheel. I think there may have been a Mass there, but it was out of my periphery. We’re in D.C. now, and biking again, enough to consider ditching the car. But, the city’s not as big on these kinds of events, I think the last one I heard about here had 30-40 people taking off from Dupont Circle. If it was bigger and noisier and more of a circus, I’m still not sure I’d be into it.

My problem with Critical Mass is that I think the stated goal is undermined by the method. If the goal is to raise consciousness about bicycles, cycling, and to make a point about cyclists’ right to share the road, then it seems to me that having a rolling mob (however cheerful and good natured that mob may be) take to the streets once a month, flouting traffic laws and increasing congestion all over the city, is going to create an impression amongst those we’re trying to reach that works against that goal.

That’s the lesson of the coverage of the ‘68 Democratic Convention. The journalists that broadcast those images wanted America to see the authorities brutalizing innocent citizens. What they saw, despite the actual content of those images, were good cops protecting them from chaos by stomping lawless hippies. It doesn’t matter what you say the intended message is if the target observer sees what you’re doing and takes another message away entirely. Especially if the message they get is: chaos, disorder, and lawlessness. John and Mary Q. Public don’t get behind that message very often.

So, this short history and manifesto… well, it’s not really long enough to be a manifesto, is it? Principle then. This short history and principle is a very long introduction to this very short observation. I can totally get behind efforts like this. What possible message could an uninitiated observer take away from this that wasn’t intended? If they’re doing these the next time I find myself in Seattle, I’d love to join in.

Have a great ride tonight Seattlites!

Want to find out how many 5 year olds you could take in a fight? Of course you do.